We Can Breathe Again
by ipreferwestside
Summary: He'd wanted their first Valentine's Day as a married couple to be special. And it is, but for completely the wrong reason. A 7x15 post-ep, set over Valentine's Day. COMPLETE


_A/N: this is technically a sequel to Under the Moonlight, but you don't have to have read that. Just know this is post-7x15 and cover's Caskett's first Valentine's Day as a married couple. For Valen. Additional notes at bottom._

* * *

 **WE CAN BREATHE AGAIN**

* * *

 _The worst is over now  
_ _And we can breathe again  
_ _I wanna hold you high  
_ _You steal my pain away  
_ _Broken_ \- Seether feat Amy Lee

* * *

"You ready to go?" Castle asks as he wanders into their bedroom, where he finds his wife zipping up her suitcase.

Kate smiles and hands him her suitcase. "Yeah, just about," she confirms, leaning up to brush a kiss to his cheek. "I just have to grab my book."

Castle throws a smirk over his shoulder as he leaves the bedroom. "You've packed my present, I hope?" he calls out, setting the suitcase by the door next to his and grabbing the bag of snacks he'd put together. He rifles through it quickly: bottled water, trail mix, Cheetos. Perfect.

"Maybe," Kate returns moments before emerging from his office, her messenger bag that she uses as a laptop case-slash-briefcase hanging from one shoulder. She's smiling, a twinkle in her eye that he's only seen a handful of times in the week since her encounter with Nieman. "Who says you're getting anything?"

He grabs her hand when she's close enough, and pulls her into his body. "I already have everything I need," he growls, his lips descending to her neck. "I have you here, with me, forever." He nips at her tendon, darts his tongue out in apology when she pokes his shoulder.

She pulls back, far enough so she can see his face, and gives him a look, her nose scrunched in disgust. "'Here, with me, forever?' That sounds creepy, Castle. Even for you."

He winces. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry, sweetie." He apologizes with a quick kiss to her lips before he moves around her to grab his shoes. "You wanna control the music or drive?"

* * *

She's quiet for the drive; she'd put his music on shuffle and curled up in the passenger seat, and while he sings along to the songs at first, when she doesn't join, he falls silent. He glances over at her every few minutes to see her staring out the window, her face blank. If he could see her eyes, they'd probably be vacant, have the faraway look they get when she's being contemplative.

About twenty minutes in he turns the music down and reaches over to rest his hand on her knee. "You okay?" he asks when she looks at him. "You're quiet."

She manages a tight smile and covers his hand with hers. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'll sell them for a dollar," she responds automatically, her lips turning up at their joke.

He turns his hand so their palms kiss and squeezes. "Seriously. Kate, what's wrong?"

"Not now," she insists, putting his hand back on the steering wheel. "I'm fine, Castle. Just focus on driving, ok? Please? The drive still makes me a little nervous."

He hums his agreement; ever since their first wedding attempt, when he'd been intercepted on his way, this drive has been different. They've mostly purged those demons, the nerves disappearing little by little every time they come this way, but the shadows are still there, haunting them.

The rest of the drive is made in relative silence, and once he pulls into the driveway, he's ready to be out of the car. He wants to hold his wife, kiss her, love her. Make her forget about whatever's still bothering her. She'd been able to see Dr. Burke, but it was only one session, and when she'd come home she'd confessed that she wanted to go back again.

He's at her door before she slips her shoes back on, and she takes his offered hand with a smile. He tugs her up and into his arms, and he pulls her in tight, feels her shaky exhale when hers come up to encircle his shoulders. His cheek lands on her shoulder and he breathes her in, the faded scent of her shampoo and body wash grounding him, comforting him.

Finally he pulls away when he feels her start to shiver; she hasn't put her coat back on, and it's cold on this February day. "Why don't you go inside? I'll get the bags."

She takes his offered keys and leans up to give him a kiss, which he tries to deepen, but she pulls away before they can get too carried away. "Thanks, honey."

He watches as she unlocks the front door, stretching while she does it. She flashes him a smile before she steps through the threshold, and she leaves the door open, allowing him to carry their bags in relatively easily. When the car is empty he locks it, his keys having been hung on the hook by the door, and he shuts the front door behind him, takes a deep breath.

The house had been shut up for almost 6 weeks; Kate had managed to get New Year's off, so they'd come here to celebrate, to get away from the disappointment he'd felt after being expelled from the precinct. So despite the cold, Kate had opened a handful of windows to air it out, but as he listens for movement, he doesn't hear her.

"Kate?" he calls out, head cocked so he can listen for her response over the light crash of the waves outside.

"Study," he hears, and he turns left towards the kitchen, where his office sits off the dining room, separating the common area and the master suite.

He sees her standing at the open French doors, her arms crossed over her sweater, and he waits until the slight movement of her head that tells him she's heard him approach before he comes up behind her. His arms envelop her from behind, his hands prying hers free so he can clasp them.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to this," she admits quietly, almost a whisper that he doesn't hear.

Castle hums in agreement. "Sometimes when I'm here, even now after having it for so long, I stop and look at the waves and wonder how the hell I can be so lucky. And then I add you to the equation," he adds, squeezing her hands, "and I just dread the day I'll wake up and find out this is a dream."

She turns in his arms so she's facing him, and loops hers around his neck. "It's not a dream, babe." She tugs him down for a kiss and deepens it, her tongue meeting his, eliciting a moan from deep in his chest.

They haven't made love since before her abduction, before Tyson and Nieman came back, and his body hums, sings with desire. He wants her, badly, but he'll let her initiate, doesn't want to push her before she's ready again. He knows that after being tied down she's been a little hesitant, but this time her hands fall to his sweater and he lets her draw it up and over his torso.

"Cold," he observes with a chuckle at the feel of her cold fingers against his chest, and she chuckles against his mouth, pushes him backwards.

"Then we better get under the covers."

* * *

He wakes first the next morning, tired, but it's worth it. They'd been up for most of the previous day and night, breaking a few times for food and to unpack, but everything took at least twice as long because they couldn't keep their hands off each other. He smiles as he stretches, careful not to jostle her sleeping form beside him.

She's completely relaxed into the mattress, her face more slack with sleep than he's seen in days. There's even a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, and he can't help but mentally puff his chest that he'd put that look on her face. They'd completely and utterly _ravished_ each other.

It's dark outside, so he grabs his phone, shields the screen so it's not too bright as he checks the time. 6:30 am; it's definitely earlier than he'd like to be awake on a Saturday, but he swings his legs over the side of the bed anyway, careful not to wake his wife as he does. It's Valentine's Day, and he has plans.

But said plans require food, and the house has none, save for some leftover pizza from the night before.

He takes a quick shower; he's sure they'll take another one together later, but he doesn't really want to go to the store smelling of sleep and multiple rounds of sex. He keeps his eye on Kate as he dresses and scribbles a note, and when he's sure she hasn't stirred, he presses a kiss and whispers of love onto her forehead, and slips out of their room.

He's back less than an hour later, juggling several bags of groceries and a few large bouquets. He might have gone a little crazy, but the store had a wide variety of flowers, and he just couldn't decide. He pokes his head in the bedroom to check on his wife: still fast asleep. She's barely even moved.

Castle smiles to himself as he busies himself with breakfast. He starts the bacon and mixes the scrambled eggs, then disperses the bouquets. One goes in the living room, one on the kitchen counter, and the largest he sneaks onto her nightstand with his card propped up against it.

He hears the soft footsteps as the bacon and eggs are finishing, and he looks behind him to see Kate padding across the floor. He meets her on the other side of the island with her coffee and leans down to steal a kiss.

"Good morning," he murmurs against her lips, and he smiles at her hum of assent. She's more of a morning person than he is, but it takes awhile for her to fully waken without at least one cup of coffee. She must have only just woken up.

Her first sip seems to revitalize her and she smiles up at him. "Morning," she returns, offering another kiss, this time longer, deeper. "I woke alone."

He winces at her accusatory tone, but takes her hand and tugs her into his side as he moves back to the stove. "I hoped to bring you breakfast in bed," he defends himself. "Besides, I couldn't very well get your flowers yesterday, could I?"

"Hmm, I guess not. We were a little busy," Kate agrees, her hand sliding down to his ass, and she chuckles at his yelp when she pinches. "They're beautiful," she concedes.

"Did you read the card yet?"

"No, I wanted to save it for later. I thought we could read our cards together."

"Ooh, how romantic." He smudges a kiss to her temple, smiling against her skin as she giggles and leans into him even more. It's a habit she's picked up throughout the course of their relationship, and it couldn't make him happier. "You hungry?"

She winks at him. "Famished."

* * *

They spend the rest of the morning in bed, sleeping and otherwise, while a storm rolls through outside. The skies finally clear after they have lunch, and after they take a shower that has Castle grateful for his large hot water heater, Kate dresses and pulls on her coat, and suggests they take a walk.

"We should get some fresh air," she insists, smiling when Castle wraps his hand around hers and lets her tug him off the bed.

They walk arm-in-arm on the beach, the sand wet from the waves and the storm, and Castle can't keep his eyes off his wife. He knows the ocean looks beautiful, dark blue and grey from the storm, but she's staring at the horizon, looking so at peace, and he's suddenly hit with so much gratitude that his knees almost buckle.

He loses track of time, but by the time they turn to go back it's starting to drizzle again. Kate had grabbed an umbrella on their way out, and he holds it above them as the rain begins to come down harder.

As they head back to the house, Kate tucked into his side, Castle can't help but feel a little disappointed. He'd had big plans back in the city: breakfast in bed, a matinee show, and a romantic night out on the town, which would have culminated in an epic night in bed, he was sure of it. He'd wanted their first Valentine's Day as a married couple to be special. And it is, but for completely the wrong reason.

It should be special because they're married. Because he can buy her whatever gift she doesn't admit that she wants. But it's special because she was almost killed by a serial killer a week ago, and so was he. And he still has the present, still has the outrageous bouquet scheduled to be delivered to her desk on Monday. But instead of celebrating that they're married, they're celebrating that they're _alive._

And he's grateful, he is, because even walking in relative silence with her is something he'll never take for granted again. He loves this time spent with her, this side of Kate that he'd never been allowed to see until they'd gotten together. The quiet, reflective woman, just as content curled up next to him in silence as she is playing an obnoxious game of laser tag. And he could have lost her, almost did.

"Are you okay?" Kate finally asks as they stomp the sand off their rain boots before entering the enclosed porch.

Castle smiles. "Yeah. Just thinking, you know?" He holds the door open for her, uncoiling his scarf from around his neck as they both unwrap their multiple layers of coats and sweaters. He follows her into the kitchen and watches as she fills the tea kettle. "About this week."

"Castle." Kate comes around the island to take his hands in hers, rocking back on her heels so she can look up into his eyes. "Have you thought about seeing someone? About your encounter with Tyson?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you basically orchestrated his death," Kate pushes. "He died right in front of you, Rick. That has to leave a mark."

"I'm okay, Kate."

"No, you're not." She pushes him onto one of the bar stools and steps between his legs. "You've been quiet all week. We both have, but you _really_ have. Much more than usual. I know you, Rick. You're going to keep this inside until you burst, and I don't want to see you go through that." She cups his neck, her thumbs brushing his ears. "Just...think about it? Please?"

Castle smiles and pulls her down for a kiss. "I promise," he whispers against her lips. "Now, can we do cards and gifts? Please?"

She chuckles and pushes him towards the bedroom, following after a few minutes with their tea. She finds him sitting against the headboard, a box in his hand. She joins him after she digs his present out of the back of her dresser. "Happy Valentine's Day," she says in greeting, joining him on the bed.

They switch presents, but he nods towards her card before either of them start to open their gifts. "Cards always first." He's been looking forward to reading hers all day, and when he opens the envelope, he isn't disappointed. In addition to the typically sappy "To My Husband" poem is her handwriting.

 _Rick,_

 _I'm not the writer here, but I'll do my best._

 _Since the moment you walked into my life, you've made it better. I'd forgotten how to have fun, how to relax, how to love. Until I met you._

 _I love you, Rick. I think I've always loved you, in some way or another. You are my one and done, my always and forever. And I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life falling for you even more._

 _We've been to hell and back, but there is no one I would rather spend this journey with._

 _Always,_

 _Kate_

He blinks back tears and looks up at her, sees her eyes shimmering as well. "Kate…" he whispers, and he leans forward to capture her lips with his, cup her cheek as he tries to convey the words even he can't say. "I love you," he breathes once they part, and leans his forehead against hers. "God, you don't even know how much I love you."

She gently knocks her temple against his as she slips her finger underneath the flap of the envelope. His card is simple: no poem, nothing fancy, just a picture of a heart with "I Love You" on the front. But it's when she opens the card and starts reading that she gasps. He remembers what he wrote, but he peeks over her shoulder to read it anyway.

 _Kate. My dear wife._

 _My wife._

 _Once upon a time I wasn't sure I'd be able to call you that. I've loved you since the first time I saw you. Is it sappy? Is it cliche? Probably, but it's true._

 _You inspire me, in so many ways. You've taught me to be a better man, the best version of myself that I can be._

 _I owe you everything, Kate. You are my heart, my soul, my life. My love._

 _My always._

 _Rick._

"Shit, Rick," she finally says, and he can't help but chuckle and wipe the tears from her cheeks. "Okay, is the gift going to make me cry too?"

Castle nudges her knee with his. "Maybe you should open it and find out." He watches as she does, and when she takes out the heavy statue she gasps.

He'd found it online: a silhouette of a couple embracing, their arms around each other. The statue is void of features, but he can see them in it, can easily imagine that it's them, gazing at each other. "You like it?" he asks quietly when she remains silent, and when she turns her gaze to him, he can see a tear fall.

She surges forward and kisses him, the statue dropping to the bed between them as her arms loop around his neck. She climbs onto his lap, her hips rolling when his hands fall to them, and she pulls away when his box digs into her thigh. "My gift will probably pale compared to yours," she gasps.

Castle's fingers dip below the waistband of her jeans, flirting with the top of her underwear. "I doubt it," he murmurs, and he tries to recapture her mouth with his, but she scrambles backwards and perches next to his knees with her fingers covering her upturned lips. "Okay."

He rips the paper off the box without ceremony, his eyes glued to hers, watching her watch him. When he opens the box he chuckles: wrapped in tissue paper are two Star Wars hand towels, Princess Leia's profile with "I love you," and Han Solo with "I know."

"This is awesome."

"Hang on, there's more," she interrupts, moving the towels to the side.

He gasps when he sees what's beneath, covered in plastic. "Kate, is this…"

Kate releases her bottom lip from her teeth. "I know _Casino Royale_ is your favorite, but this was the first movie, so..."

Castle lifts the screenplay that reads _Dr. No_ , careful not to jostle it from the protective casing it's housed in. "Kate, it's perfect. It's wonderful." He puts it back in the box so he can set it aside before he pulls her back in for a kiss. "I love you," he murmurs against her lips.

She smiles and moves both their presents to the floor. "I love you too. Happy Valentine's Day, husband." She wraps her arms around his back and pulls them to the bed, him on top of her.

He settles between her legs, his hands slipping under her sweater as he kisses her, slow and deep. "Happy Valentine's Day, wife. Here's to many, many more."

* * *

 _A/N 2: A very happy (slightly belated) birthday to the dear, wonderful Valen, who has provided advice and encouragement and laughs and hella amazing memes, both Photoshopped and not. Thank you for giving me an excuse to write an angsty Valentine's Day fic. Also, the gifts they give each other can be found at uncommongoods dot com/product/love-you-always (Castle's gift to Beckett), and thinkgeek dot com/product/1521/ (the Star Wars hand towels). And as always, thanks to Callie!_


End file.
